Ally Sheedy is Lori Tanner, a bright, young investigative reporter whose most recent project is the uncovering of animal mistreatment in research labs. But, while trying to conduct a report from inside a lab, she accidentally releases a well-kept secret into society--the vicious dog-beast Max. Whoops! Oh, fuck! Get down! He's got a spork! Max's creator, Dr. Jarret(Lance Henrikson) is pissed. It seems that his little creation was an expensive project with the good of mankind at heart. Max is a prototype for the ideal watchdog. However, when not kept under proper supervision, Max can very easily turn into a bone-licking killing machine. Fuck yeah, baby! However, when Max meets back up with Lori outside the lab, he turns out to be a model citizen, chasing down purse thieves and shit. Well, they fall in love. Blah, blah, blah. Perry gets pissed. Lassie gets dicked. Etc., etc.
The movie has its memorable moments, but it also has a lot of dry moments--dry like ass. The major element that holds this movie back is the unnecessary compulsion to make you hate every one of Max's victims, as few as they may be. From disgruntled mailman(cousin of disgruntled goat) to "crotchety"(You'll realize how clever this is later and thank me) old junkyard man, they are all characterized as assholes. How are we supposed to pull for Max if he's killing the bad guys? It just doesn't make any sense. As for the memorable moments, one must give major props to the dog for his uncanny acting abilities. With the vibrant realism of a young Kirk Douglas, he truly and honestly carries you through the inner-depths of his character. It is a tour de force in the acting profession. Credit should also be given to the crack-smoking special effects team. From animatronic acid piss to chameleonic disappearances, this team has rendered the rewind button indispensible. Check out the blue screen leap of faith over a pile of squad cars.
Overall, MAN'S BEST FRIEND is probably worth a look. But, it just can't reconcile whether it wants to be a unique horror classic or an annual end of the year tradition for fifth graders. Make up your minds! Here's a suggestion. It's a fucking dog with the best attributes of spiders, tigers, and wolves. Kill somebody assholes!
-General Zod
Mr. Paul: "You can't go wrong with a dog pissing acid on someone's face."
Z-man: "You know, I heard that in France dogs bark like this: 'AUF! A-A-AUF! AUF!' Man, how gay is that? Good thing MAX is an All-American badass. He has acid piss. He eats pussy with a jaw that can unhinge. He also gets Ally Sheedy to scratch his sweaty balls. If I was a dog and saw Max walk into the room, I'd say: Bow wow WOW!"
Eagle Te: "OK, say what you will about the rest of the
movie, but Man's Best Friend gets three and a half stars for two scenes
that redefine horror movies as we know them today. Scene one: Max uses his
chameleon powers to turn the tables on a couple of dog catchers and causes
them to bust out of a door in terror...trust me, it's better than it
sounds. Scene Two (and easily in my top five funniest kills): Max knocks
out his owners boyfriend and then dispatches him when he awakes with the
lift of an animatronic leg and a well placed squirt of acid urine...Now
try to top that, you bastards!"
El Santo: "Pending"
General Zod: "It's kind of like that episode of Lassie where Suzie falls down a well and Lassie runs to get help, but when he returns, Timmy and Suzie are makin' puddin', and Lassie gets jealous and kills them both. It's kind of like that."
